


let me take your coffee order (and stare at you for a little while)

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Awkward Flirting, Baristas, F/M, Flirting, Inappropriate Workplace Behavior, M/M, Multi, unhealthy coffee consumption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: FEFERI: Yeah uhhhhh I'll take a trenta raspberry latte macchiato, one pump vanilla, no whip, thank you so much!!ERIDAN: oh fuck. oh god. dirk I'm in love.DIRK: Oh worm? Oh MOOD?
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Dirk Strider, Eridan Ampora/Feferi Peixes/Dirk Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27
Collections: Polyswap Winter Promptfest - Dawn Edition





	let me take your coffee order (and stare at you for a little while)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [auxanges](https://archiveofourown.org/users/auxanges/pseuds/auxanges) in the [Polyswap_Winter_Promptfest_Dawn_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Polyswap_Winter_Promptfest_Dawn_2019) collection. 



> HOW IS THIS THE FIRST ERI/FEF/DIRK. I COULD'VE _SWORN_ MORE THAN ONE HAS BEEN WRITTEN.
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> two bros working at a starbucks five feet apart cause its the holiday rush and their overworked asses are both looking at the cute girl cramming for entrance exams over their orders. friends to lovers? baristas to lovers? only the espresso knows and its secrets are tenderly roasted

"Dibs," is the first thing Dirk says to you when the overwhelming tsunami of holiday rush orders and holiday asshole customers sends you back his way. He's on break, technically, but he's too much of a control freak about this one specific machine to step away when things are this crazy, which means he's tucked into a corner where customers can't _actually_ see him as he instructs the hapless newbie on exactly how not to fuck things up.

(The newbie has already fucked up, spectacularly, which is why you've been shifted over to this station. You think Dirk's sent the poor bastard off to get a mop.)

You raise an eyebrow at him, politely, like the polite kind of guy you are. If he's calling dibs on a customer, they must be really something special, or interesting, or he's really just that bored. Dirk jerks his chin out towards—

"Oh fuck no," you say, and it's his turn to have his eyebrows winging right on up, almost disappearing into the blond of his hairline. "Dirk, I said _no._ "

"And you know that only makes her more potentially interesting. Spill the dish, Eridan."

Here's the dish: The girl he's show an interest in is Cute Raspberry Latte Girl, who's heretofore only ever shown up when you were on shift and not Dirk, by some quirk of scheduling, or nature, or god knows what else. You've talked about her to Dirk before. You've had _dreams_ about her before.

Actually you're not the least bit surprised that Dirk is trying to call dibs, but you're also absolutely not going to let him get away with it.

You glare at him. He stares at you. Hapless newbie skids across the floor just behind you, desperately clutching to his mop and looking like some scene out of a romcom, except for the part where he crashes into a wall.

And then the light dawns, and Dirk's eyes go wide, as he asks "Is that Cute Raspberry Latte Girl?" at the exact same time that you cave and say "That's Cute Raspberry Latte Girl."

"Holy fuck," Dirk says, peering around his corner to stare at her. She's practically barricaded in by a defensive fortification of books, with little turrets made of empty, holiday-themed cups, like they're both an extra measure of protection and also a tangible demonstration of the fact that she is _paying_ for the single table she's been occupying for the past three or so hours.

(Three hours, fourteen minutes, and _no_ you're not keeping count of seconds, because that would just be ridiculous and unreasonable.)

(Also, it's too difficult to track seconds. You'd tried last week.)

"Yeah," you say, and you're pretty sure you're blushing. On the bright side, you've been sleepwalking through shifts since your second month here and muscle memory took over the moment Dirk started talking. "So no callin dibs. I mean, I didn't _think_ I'd have to call dibs on her, she almost never comes in when you're workin—"

"Yeah, or I would've made a move by now." That's a blatant enough lie that you don't bother calling him out on it, mechanically setting up the next overpriced hipster drink listed on your label. "Do you even know her name?"

Okay, so. Maybe he's got you there. Maybe he is _slightly_ less awkward about casual flirtations than you are.

Or, you decide, as he holds up her latest mobile order (intercepted while you stewed in your shame), he's just sneakier than you are when it comes to these things.

You make a desperate grab for the cup, and he lifts it just out of your reach. If this was one of his animes, the two of you would be making out by now, and while it wouldn't be the first time and you wouldn't usually be opposed, you're about as steamed as the milk you're currently frothing. "Asshole," you mutter, your voice dropping to a whisper on account of Small Child Passing By. You flash the be-bundled child of unknown age a smile. For all you know, they're like, twelve. Twelve year olds swear. You think.

"It's one of my best qualities," Dirk agrees, and you go an even brighter shade of pink. "Her name's Feferi."

"Feferi," you murmur, and _fuck_ , you're a disaster and literally everyone who works on a shift with you when Cute Raspberry Latte Girl—when _Feferi_ walks in knows it. "Oh my god, Dirk, we know her name."

"So it's a we now?" Underneath the smug attempts at laying things out like a line of dominos, you know—you absolutely know—that Dirk is scared and lonely and also very terrified of being both of those things on any given day ending in y. "I didn't realize you were so open-minded about sharing."

Then again, sometimes it was much more fun to imagine punching him in his stupid face.

"Dirk," you say, trying for patience and arriving at something more like 'I'm this close to murdering you Strider, so please, just fucking try me' as you fill three cups in a row and pass them off to Hapless, "we can't fuckin plan a ménage à trois with a girl _neither of us have ever spoken to._ "

"Not true," Dirk says, and you know he's got some glib answer about having taken her orders counting as talking, or how that was the best possible way to set up a threesome with an unsuspecting customer, which means you're obviously going to have to kill him, regardless of which thing he decides to say.

Unfortunately for you—or fortunately, maybe, you don't really fancy having to find a new roommate or maybe doing jail time—the two of you are interrupted.

As they so often do, narrative convenience and fate have conspired against you: The polite "Excuse me?" from the other side of the counter comes from none other than Feferi, AKA Cute Raspberry Latte Girl.

Oh, god. You have no idea how much she's heard. You're both so, _so_ screwed.

This feeling is compounded when you glance over at Dirk and see what you've dubbed the "Panicked Bastard Orange Cat Expression" plastered all over his stupidly attractive face. You're ridiculously screwed, and the best you can do is turn towards her, pull on a smile, and hope the Ampora Charm that your father and brother are always talking about finally chooses _now_ to kick in.

"Hi there," you say, and so far, so good, "what can I get you?" That's...that's a normal thing to say, right? You're the customer service guy in this situation. This is totally the kind of thing a customer service guy would say. do. say??

Feferi looks you over, and you try to stand a little straighter, the tension in your shoulders easing only when she turns her attention towards Dirk. 

(You try not to overanalyze the little nod she does after her once overs, but you fail miserably at that, too.)

"So one of your coworkers offered me a free drink if I came over and interrupted the two of you," she says, and you think your heart is about to stop beating in your chest. Someone is absolutely going to die, as soon as you find out who. "And anyway, I'm not going to say no to that, but also, I was kind of wondering...why?"

"Uh," you say, at the same time that Dirk starts off with a "Well—"

You both stop, look at each other, then look back at her, feeling as hopeless as Hapless looks on a daily basis.

For whatever reason, you think this might be working out in your favor. Maybe.

Well, she gives you guys another little nod, but also a knowing smirk, and when Kanaya (goddammit Maryam) calls her name, she sashays off with an extra little sway to her hips.

"We're so fucking screwed," Dirk says, and knocks back the octuple espresso shot you hadn't seen him pour. Shit. It's only halfway into your shift and he's already had two of those today. You usually try to limit him to three. "Eridan, did you even see that. Her. Us. Screwed."

"I did see her first," you remind him, hoping he'll respect that and hoping he won't all at once. "So I could be the only one who's screwed."

"Ampora, it's going to take _two_ of us to handle that, and even then, only just."

For once in your life, you think you might agree with him completely.

Also, you're wishing this location was licensed to serve alcohol, because she's just flashed you _another_ grin, and, well. Oh, god. So, _so_ screwed.


End file.
